Sibling Rivalry: Ways to Face the Battle

Some believe that sibling rivalry is just nature’s way of preparing kids for the harsh realities of life, like office politics and sharing communal fridge space. If you’ve got more than one child, you’ve no doubt witnessed the chaos firsthand: the wrestling over the last biscuit, the heated debate over whose turn it is to press the lift button. The car ride wails, “Muuuummm, her arm is touching my arm!”. Good times. Sibling rivalry is normal, healthy, and, believe it or not, actually beneficial. Let me explain. 

Why Can’t They Just Get Along?

At its core, sibling rivalry is about competition – for attention, toys, the prime spot on the couch, and your last ounce of patience. Kids want to be seen, heard, and validated, and when they feel like they’re getting the short end of the stick, they retaliate in the most dramatic way possible.

Some classic causes include:

Jealousy: “Why does he get a bigger slice of cake?” (Mate, because I eyeballed it wrong, not because I love you less.)

Personality Clashes: Some kids are born rule-followers, Bless them. Others were put on this earth to make you question your life choices.

Fairness Battles: Spoiler alert – ‘fair’ doesn’t mean ‘equal,’ and understanding this as an adult is hard enough, imagine if you are a six-year-old.

Boredom: Nothing spices up a dull afternoon like an impromptu wrestling match over an imaginary crime.

How to Keep the Peace

While you can’t eliminate sibling rivalry, you can manage it. Here’s how:

Play the Long Game:

As tempting as it is to declare “I don’t care who started it, you’re both in trouble!” try to dig deeper. Helping kids learn conflict resolution now means they’re less likely to send passive-aggressive emails to their colleagues in the future.

Give Everyone Their Time to Shine:

If one child is constantly feeling overshadowed, they’ll find creative ways to remind you they exist (usually involving a high-pitched scream). Make time for each kid individually, even if it’s just a five-minute chat while hiding in the pantry.

Don’t Compare:

Saying “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” is like pouring petrol on a campfire. Each child has their strengths, so highlight them individually. Besides, the ‘good kid’ today could be the one shoving peas up their nose tomorrow.

Celebrate the Wins:

Even the most fierce rivals occasionally have each other’s backs. The day will come when one defends the other in the school playground or smuggles an extra biscuit for their sibling. Those moments? Pure gold.

Sibling rivalry is a rite of passage – one that will, hopefully, lead to a lifelong bond. One day, when they’re older and no longer fighting over who gets the front seat, they might just realise they’ve had a built-in best mate all along.